How to cope if you lost your job tomorrow
Losing your job can be a nightmare, but it may lead to new opportunities.
MY termination didn't come as a complete surprise.
A reasonable comparison to the entire event is the slow spiralling of water down a bathtub drain after the plug is pulled. The stopper yanked from my project months prior to the actual day of my dismissal - the liquid filthy with unfulfilled promises from management and personal regrets circled quickly before getting sucked down into the unknown called unemployment.
My range of emotions over the situation - sadness, a sense of betrayal and a boatload of anger - was common in people suffering from sudden job loss. But what I was surprised to learn was that all of these intense emotions might have to do with my gender.
According to a 2009 study published in the American Journal of Community Psychology, losing a job is especially traumatic for men. The study saw a spike in the cases of depression in unemployed men and the suicide rate among that group is double that of men who are working.
Dr. John Grohol, a psychologist and founder of the leading mental health and psychology network psychcentral.com, confirmed those findings as accurate. "Men tend to put much more of their own self-esteem and self worth into a job. They view their job as a part of who they are as a person. Women tend not to put as much emphasis on a job being a part of who they are as a person."
The author describes losing his job as a “gut punch.
Unlike many, I was lucky enough to see the writing on the wall and prepare for the gut punch about to knock the wind out of my life. I spent the days before my dismissal mentally preparing for the moment. All of the feelings and emotions felt oddly familiar, like I wasn't just losing a job, but ending a relationship.
"For many people it can feel similar to ending a romantic relationship," explained Dr. Grohol, "because a job is something a person invests a lot of time and effort into - much like a relationship."
The mental strain was excruciating - it took a week to get the actual news - and the phone call was a welcome end to the entire ordeal. I hung up, took a deep breath, tossed on running gear, and pounded the pavement for 10 kilometres. It just felt like the right thing to do.
"Everyone has their own coping mechanism to traumatic events," explained Dr. Grohol. "For you it was exercise. For some, it might just be venting to friends. It is important - no matter what it is - to find some type of release."
After a run, which hopefully burned some literal fat, I trimmed the figurative fat from my life. I jotted down all my monthly expenses and eliminated whatever wasn't vital. This included magazine and online subscriptions, pay TV packages with channels I've never watched, a monthly cleaning woman and money spent to get my clothes dry cleaned.
While redundancy can be a bitter pill. It often leads to other opportunities.
Another activity I found oddly therapeutic was unfriending certain co-workers on Facebook and Twitter, especially those still huddled around the office cooler sipping the company Kool-Aid.
"It's perfectly understandable to want to cut ties to old acquaintances in the workplace," Grohol admits - "so long as you don't blame those people for being the reason you're out of work. It is healthy to distance yourself from an old place of employment on social media, though."
Often, a lay-off can be a blessing in disguise. It forces a person to re-evaluate not just their work, but their entire life, and make moves they might previously have avoided because of job complacency.
The axe fell on a Wednesday morning. I spent the days that followed mapping out exactly where I wanted my professional career to take me next.
"Many people use the opportunity to reinvent their career," noted Dr. Grohol. "Now might be the best time to go in a different direction and open your mind to other opportunities."
Unemployment is the best time to focus on the next step in your career - or to shift focus to projects you're truly passionate about.
The loss of a job isn't an easy pill to swallow, but I'm positive that being mentally prepared for the event made the transition into a new chapter in life much easier. Although it isn't always possible to see the writing on the wall coming, it's important to remain mentally resilient - stay positive, focused and seek help if the negative feelings last longer than a few weeks.
The lay-off has opened several new doors. In a few years, I may be able to look back and say it was the best thing that ever happened to my career. Only time will tell.
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