Meet Graham, the hideous creature built to survive car crashes

Happy nightmares! Australian road-safety commission creates the perfect man for car-accident survival. Let's all be thankful we did not evolve in his image.

Here's Graham. Let's suppose you met Graham at the corner store, or at a bar, or he sits next to you on an airplane. Once you stopped screaming, you might say to him, "Hey, don't wanna be rude, but I have noticed that you have no neck."

And he would say, "Why, yes, this is true. I also have a gargantuan skull, to better cushion my brain. I have a flat face, with lots of fatty tissue to absorb impact. I have hoof-like legs to quickly jump out of danger, ribs reaching up to my skull to protect my head, fleshy little airbags between each rib, and for some reason, about a dozen nipples."

Graham was designed by an Australian trauma surgeon, a crash-investigation expert and an artist. He's meant to have the perfect body -- for car-accident survival, that is. His creepy features may not help him survive on Match.com, but they're all carefully chosen to protect against the various impacts and injuries of crashes.

GAAAAAAH! Graham may be able to survive a car accident, but he's not making it through a beauty pageant.

Victoria's Transport Accident Commission

"Our bodies are just not equipped to handle the forces in common crash scenarios," said David Logan, a road-safety engineer at Monash University in Melbourne.

A video shows artist Patricia Piccinini working to engineer Graham with all kinds of David Cronenberg-esque body horror elements, all just terrifying. There's also a 360-degree interactive site where you can click on his various body mods to learn why they were designed in a certain way, and what that means about regular humans.

Graham will be on display at theState Library of Victoria until early August, and then will travel around the country. That sounds like a threat, Australia. I'd start double-locking your doors, if I were you.